Last year at this time, my life looked pretty much the same on the surface. I was probably sitting right here, on my bed, in my childhood room, thinking of a way to keep myself entertained in the late afternoon of a too-snowy day. But this year, I’m not sitting here alone. My son is sitting with me.
I haven’t met my son yet, but I already know that I’ll love him more than I ever imagined possible. I just felt him press up against my stomach; I’ll take that as an ‘I love you, too, Mom.’
Last year at this time, my life looked pretty much the same, only on the surface. But this year, everything is different. My opinions on almost everything, much like my plans, have changed. I have received God’s greatest blessing. I am creating a life. A life that will be an extension of me forever. Do I have the slightest clue of how to go about doing that? No, I absolutely do not. But I haven’t had a single worry about that – not even once. I am a woman of faith, and I know that my tiny human is an angel, and our new little family will do this together, surrounded by an overwhelming amount of love and support.
I haven’t written a single word on this website in almost one year. Clearly, as you can tell, a lot has happened since then. Although, suddenly, none of the experiences I’ve had this year feel significant enough to share now that I’ve announced the most significant event that will ever occur in my life.
Prior to learning I was pregnant, I had been feeling extremely lost, unmotivated, conflicted, emotionally strained, and uninspired. I had no idea what direction my life was heading. I felt stuck. I had three Bachelor’s degrees, plenty of work experience in various competitive fields, no debt, and no ties to any certain place. I could virtually do anything that I felt like doing – and I had no idea what “anything” that was. I didn’t have a single clue. After weeks of spending mornings developing half-ass career plans, and afternoons searching for apartments across the country, and nights telling my friends and family that I wanted to move back home, I finally decided to give everything up to God. Once I had made the decision to put everything in His hands, I stopped worrying. A sense of peace came over me, and I knew that something was going to happen for me soon, and whatever that something was would be the life-changing experience that I was waiting for.
Three days later, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. And for a minute, everything was scary. And then everything was good. And then everything was how it had always been meant to be. The three of us.