I’m sure this is another one of those sayings that you’ve all heard before but usually brush off and later forget. However, realizing the truth of these words is important. Love yourself first. I can’t tell you how many of my single friends complain about being ‘single forever’ or ‘forever alone.’ Now, I’ll be the first one to admit that I joke about being a spinster at least twice a day, but I’m not being serious. Some of my peers are legitimately concerned that they won’t be able to find the one for them. Well, I have something to say about that.
First of all, yes you will. But you have to stop looking. As you’ve probably been told before, good things happen when you least expect it. If you spend all of your time focused on finding some amazing thing, you’ll miss out on all of the good things that happen along the way. For example, while my parents were on the Cape a few weeks ago, they saw a dolphin along the coast of a town slightly East of where we keep our boat. On the way down yesterday morning, I said to my family I hope we see a dolphin or a shark or something today, wouldn’t that be cool? They simply agreed, and that was the end of our conversation. A few hours later, we took the boat for a little ride. We didn’t have any plans and were simply looking for a fun boat ride, so we drove out of the harbor heading West. About ten minutes later, we saw a school of roughly forty to fifty dolphins. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. They were riding with our boat, swimming under it and jumping up right next to it – less than one foot away from us, if that. We rode with them for about half an hour, just watching them play around and soar up out of the water.
Now, if we had driven East out of the harbor looking for one dolphin my parents saw before, we never would have experienced one of the coolest parts of nature that I’ve ever seen. It came when we least expected it.
Recently, one of my friends literally texted me and asked me how to find girls to date. I told him (as I’ve told him many times) you can’t look for girls to date. You can’t look for girls to love. You’re not gonna find them.
You can’t force a relationship just because that’s what you think you want. Oftentimes, people only want relationships because they can’t handle the thought of being alone with themselves. Well, I have news for you – in order to succeed in a relationship, you have to be happy with yourself first. If you’re having trouble with your confidence on your own, it isn’t likely that your relationship will provide that for you. You’ll not only be insecure with yourself, but you’ll also have someone else’s actions to be insecure about. How can you expect someone else to be willing to commit themselves to you and love you if you don’t even do that for you? This isn’t only true of romantic relationships, either; this is true of every relationship you have in your life. I once read something that stuck with me:
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for all of the relationships you enter.
So, focus on yourself. This isn’t a selfish thing, it’s a self-help thing. Find out what makes you happy before you go looking for ways to make someone else happy. Figure out how to feel okay with being by yourself. You don’t feel like you need someone else to love you if you love yourself first.
Thanks for reading! As always, if you’d like to hear more of my perspective on topics like this, let me know! XO